The Seventh McNugget

We all can't be one of the Six.

02 August 2005

Grand Theft Freedom.... or... Grand Theft Parenting

This NONSENSE crap over GTA: San Andreas is such nanny-state, rediculous lawyer-driven bull-honky that I'm about to type "PROFESSIONALSKIT" on my keyboard and spawn all weapons to make myself heard!!!

We need some GTA-style beatdowns here. Hillary Clinton first.... beat her down and pick up all of the glowing-green, revolving piles of cash that are stomped out of her... and use them to buy lots of copies of GTA: SA to make Rockstar execs FILTHY FILTHY RICH!

I know that this is old news and I'm about a week or so behind, but I'm still annoyed at it.

Here's the situation, if you haven't heard:

Rockstar Games released the game with a Mature 17+ rating. However, you can download a patch of the .net to unlock a hidden part of the game which shows our hero, Carl, having sex with a woman.

Now that this has become known to the world, people (like Clinton and others) are all upset. They want the game to be given an Adults-Only 18+ rating, thereby making almost all retailers like Target, BestBuy, etc... pull the game from their shelves. This has already happened and will hurt the game-maker's business. Also, there are now lawsuits against the company... (weaselly little scumbag lawyers swooping in like buzzards).

Here's why this is total B.S., according to Kamin's brain:

1. The game's warning was always "Mature 17+" and was accompanied by "strong sexual content". It should be exxxpected then, by any rational person (aka republican -- jk), that there will be STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT in the game. So when you find STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT.... you won't be surprised and all upset. Makes sense to me.

2. Mature 17+ means no kids should be playing it. That's the job of PARENTS... more on that later. I have seen the GTA sex scene and let me tell you... it is the most BORING, UNINSPIRING sex ever. It is not hot, interesting, or even worth the download time... no one above the age of 17 (the game's self-intended market) will even blink an eye at it. Heck! "The Titanic" was ok for 13-year-olds and showed Kate's Winslet's boob!

3. The sex scenes are only accessible if you download and install a patch off the internet. In other words, you cannot "stumble" across it accidently. You have to delete and replace cetain game-data files. It would be a million-times-easier for a kid to type "boobs" into an image search and get some sex-stuff that way. More on THAT later too.

4. The liberal-spearheaded movement to condemn the game is based solely on this boring sex feature. No one seems to care that you can light homeless people on fire and snipe Army soldiers from rooftops. It doesn't really matter that you can take a golf club and kill someone on the street while pedestrians just walk right by.... No... but show some poorly-rendered sex and watch everyone get ALL upset. For frick's sake, the chick doesn't even have any nips!!! She's the exact same as the other characters... just peach colored!!! And republicans are the ones who are accused of being uptight about sex?!?! Even ultra-conservatist ME isn't the slightest bit offended at this.

Honestly, if the game didn't have any age or content warnings... and this could be come acrossed accidently, then it would be a different story... but you bought the game... you knew the rating...

Buying this game, downloading and installing the patch files, playing the game correctly so as to reach the sex-scene situation... is all SO much more work than finding porn on the internet. And now we're comparing poorly-drawn pixellated FAKE people to real pornography. Really, people.... what is the greater issue? Where should our energy really be used?? In a stupid aptly-labelled video game or in an industry that has real consequences for real people.

NOT TO MENTION the whole disgusting nanny-state implications that this issue has. Hillary, I've said it before... it takes two parents to raise a child. Keep your village out of my home and off of my child.


At 12:54 PM, Blogger Kate said...

It does seem like everyone is getting into a bit of an uproar over nothing. And now that I hear how mundane the little sex scene is, I'm even more annoyed by all of this. There are articles out there calling it "explicit."

Since there's no real graphic content, it seems that people are more offended by the concept of the sex than they are by the actual scene. It sounds like 2 Live Crew all over again.

In the Sims 2, which is rated for teens, the characters have sex. In fact, they are supposed to... to make babies, to be happy, to keep a relationship strong... and *gasp* they even allow same sex couples. I do think they block teens from doing it (and definitely kids).

Anyway, I guess they are coming after this one next.

At 1:35 PM, Blogger The K Man said...

Yeah, I've heard the Sims mentioned a few times.

Honestly, Kate, it's the most unsatifying sex EVER!! The character you play is fully clothed just like any other part of the game. There are no images of anatomy at all. Just a peach-colored woman and some back-and forth movement. I guess you can change up the position but honestly, it IS really very mundane. (Good word).

At 1:36 PM, Blogger Holz said...

Ugh, aside from the misplaced Hillary-only rant, I'm of total agreement of this... the worst thing about Hilary's actions is that it's complete pandering to the right to try and come of a moderate... it's just pathetic.

First of all... who the hell plays GTA on PC anyway? Just asking...

Second, our country has become completely f'd in the head if the objectionable part that people can focus on in the game is a sex scene that takes hard work to get to, and once found, is (pardon the pun) anticlimactic...

This is a completely media driven controversy... they're struggling to find a distracting story, now that the Aruba thing, a complete non-story, has died a much deserved story... and to go after the games creators, for something an outsider user did is just insane to me...

At 1:58 PM, Blogger The K Man said...

Holz... completely agree. I just had to troll along some Hillary stuff just to be... well... a troll. (despite saying I wasn't earlier!)

At 2:10 PM, Blogger Holz said...

And I expect anything less? BTW, welcome back!

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Stan said...

I'm with Holz that the political crap aside, I totally agree. Haven't seen it. Not interested.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger Larakin said...

I just now got here.. thanks to Stan.

Good stuff!!

On this topic though I think you have hit the nail on the head! But what is with the lawsuit from some grandma that bought the game for her 12 year old (yes 12) grandson.. then was the first to sue them!

At 11:02 AM, Blogger Manchild said...

The liberal-spearheaded

I don't think that's an accurate description. Hillary (that dozy cow) got on board this issue in a cynical attempt to appeal to the "family values" oriented people who voted for Bush last time.

Amongst liberals, this is not even REMOTELY an issue. Except to mock Hillary "Say or Do anything for power" Clinton.

It's stupid democrats who are behind this, methinks. Very stupid democrats. Who don't know anything about "family values" except that it might possibly win a few votes.

At 11:02 AM, Blogger Manchild said...

First of all... who the hell plays GTA on PC anyway?


At 11:59 AM, Blogger The K Man said...

Me too!!


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